Already got asked if we're dating
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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