I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
