This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
