I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
