first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
