vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
