Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
