Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
