i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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