I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
