It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
