She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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