you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
