Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
