Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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