That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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