is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
