I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you didnt know i had herpes?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
