I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
