when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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