is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
