Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
