So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
