stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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