i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
