im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
