don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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