Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
3 2 1 whiskey
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
