He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
