1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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