I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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