okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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