I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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