You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
