Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
