Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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