I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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