It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
