Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
