You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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