So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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