what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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