Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
