i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
