the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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