sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
