Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
