He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
