your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
