He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
