Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
